The Secret Light

feeling lost... in the confused sense of the word...

2007-03-20T17:23:00.000-07:00

I am confused... Krrad had me caring for Orifiel and I tried to help him, but he seemed so scared. What on earth could have scared him so? I guess I did too much... Master Krad was furious with me and the next thing I remember I am facing Gabriel with Orion threatening me... They were fighting and then... there was this suden pain in my neck...

I remember opening my eyes to Orion telling me he had to take me somewhere... somewhere I was needed. He ledme to my room and left. I was hesitant to enter- there were strange sounds coming from inside. I opened the door was was met face to face with Gabriel. I don't know why he was in my room or what he was doing... He seemed sweaty and out of breath...and nervous. I thought I heard a woman moan, but he wouldn't let me into y room to see. Just pushed us both into the hall where he grabbed me and clung to me...

It feels odd to be met with such passion and emotion in a man. I like it, but it's odd.I guess I am not used to being held so ... tenderly. To actually feel wanted is a new experience to me... And I feel more than that... It's like with him, I am needed more than wanted.

He told me that the past was done that we were together now and that was all that mattered. He kissed me it was feeling so good. Then all of a sudden there was a scream.

I fear Theron has made a move that will bring great destruction to a lot of people...

Is it wrong of me to just want to go far away from everything and just disappear?
Of course... I would never do so alone. But is it something Gabriel would be willing to do as well?

Guardian Angel...

2007-02-23T13:11:00.000-08:00

My mind is boggled with the changes I have so recently gone through. I don't even know where to begin. For as long as I can remember, I have been under the strict guardianship of Lord Theron. When he tired of me, he passed me off to Krad. A slave master. I had no choice but to be the submissive. He made me do things that ... Were only things nightmares could be made of. I spent much of my time hiding in a library to be away from him when it got really bad. I prayed and prayed for a way out.

I thought my prayers had been answered the day a man named Orifiel came. But all he was stuck on was how we were together and then there was a baby that he killed when he realized I had no memory of him at all. I still feel torn up about that. I blame myself for the loss of life. Soon Orifiel went off on his own life though and forgot about me. I realized he wasn't the angel I prayed for.

So I bided my time and contiuned to pray. Sure enough I met this guy named RIJ. At least that was what many called him. I was passed off to him as payment as usual. I waited wondering when he was going to abuse me lke all the others, but to my surprise he never did. He gave me his word that he would save me. He went fro my master to my savior...

I still don't know how he did it, or why, but I was set free. He told me to no longer call him Master. I could call him Gabriel. An Angel sent to me with an angel's name. The Lord really did answer my prayers. He kept telling me he loved me though. We only have known each other a few days. I did not think that was enough time for love to grow. I don't feel love. Gratefullness and appreciation to him, yes, but not love yet...

Still, he takes such good care of me, and I do enjoy that feeling of protection. He is careful of me, like I am fragile. It feels different and new.

He is gone at the moment. Lookng for someone who has disappeared. I guess he is kind of like everyone's guardian. I haven't seen him in almost 2 day now. I am not worried though. It gives me time to attend church more often now that I am free. I am a member of the choir even ^_^. An accomplishment on my part, you can say. Then I met this other guy. Kind of quet and shy-ish. Reminds me of a male version of myself.

When I saw him, he was reading the Bble. I am not used to seeing that so publicly. I knew I had to meet him. We spent a long while talking theology and quoting passages. He said he was surprised because he never knew anyone who knew teh Bible as well as he did. Truth be told, neither had I. It was nice to have someone to talk to about it. He even went with me to mass that night. He said he would have loved to join me more often too. I did invited him to join me for tonight's mass, but he was a sleep so I left the invite resting on his Bible.

Maybe it was just me, but we seemed to connect on so many levels without any kind of pressure. It was nice. I would certainly love to talk with him again sometime. He said his name was Ori. Yes, the good Lord has really blessed me. A guardian angel and a new friend.

Past Life?

2006-12-20T13:16:00.001-08:00

(side) It’s odd being back after all this time. I feel like there is a lot I am not remembering though. Cole and I have been working nonstop on different spells and searches for Lord Theron.

There was this odd event however. A man came in I did not recognize… He claimed I was his girlfriend and that we had a child… even showed me a beautiful baby boy… My heart ached for the crying little thing, but there is no way it could have been mine… I was bound to Cole… the scar on my palm shows that…. If I ever do anything against him, my life is over…

I don’t think that will be a problem though… later I learned who he was… Orifiel… he was a favorite of Theron’s which means Theron will be disappointed to learn that Orifiel was killed. My heart aches and I don’t understand why…

Did Orifiel and I have some kind of connection in a past life? We were together in some times prior to this lifetime that I am unaware of? Is that why I hurt with the feeling that I lost a friend… if not something more….

As for now, I am charged with keeping a strict eye on the vessel… I doubt she will ever wake up… nothing shows me any different in my viewing portals for the future… Right now… I don’t see her ever rejoining our realm…. She will forever roam the darkness of her mind….

Deep into the Dark...

2006-07-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

This is the first time I have ever really thought about keeping a journal of any kind. But with the way things are looking, I figured it best I start. At least this way I can shed some kind of light on things. Or at least try to. That is why the title of this journal is "A Secret Light."

First to explain myself.

My name is Kayura Harper. Sometimes I have been called Kay for short. A pet name mostly for a few. My parents are Natara and Bryant Harper of the Cerean Clan. We all used to live in the country of Eudora. At least until it was destroyed. I had a brother named Amir. I lost him in that battle. I lost a lot of friends in that battle too.

Of my own free will, I parted ways with my family. I wanted to see justice done to those harmed by Theron. The only way to do that was to get close to him. I have gone undercover in the darkness. I proved my strength and ability and was placed under the watchful care of Krad. He's a shock to the senses when he walks into a room. Long golden hair and gold eyes. If anyone looked like a candle in this darkness it's him. Unfortunately he's bad to the bone. I believe the saying is, "Looks like an Angel, but things like the devil"... that is the phrase that best describes him.

It's hard to think clearly when he's around though. And when he gets close...
*shakes head*
No... I have a duty and responsibility to my people. I can't let him distract me. I won't let him distract me.

Been a long time...

2006-07-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

...since I have written here last. Not a great deal has been happening really. I have been busy with Rem and trying to do what I can to help stabilize her so she can acheive her dream of going to school. I have an odd feeling about that though. There are times I wonder if that will ever be such a good idea. I also know that Orifiel has continued to lock himself in his rooms with his paperwork. I can't help but wonder if Rem isn't the last of his studies. With that thought in mind, I wonder just who he will be using to complete the childmaking process. It's become obvious to me that he isn't going about it naturally. The wait would be too long for him.

There was a brief moment of trouble from what I gather from my sources here in the palace. There is an unknown man wandering the halls. I can't help but get chills when I sense his presence. I also sense it mostly coming from Rose's room. It makes me wonder if he is the one to give her the power she needed to go after me that last time. And what happened when Orifiel got her away.

I tired to ignore it when the man appeared to me. He made me an offer for extreme power. Power greater than what I already have. But he admitted there was a price to pay for it. I told him no. I am strong enough and with contniued study and training, I will continue to grow stronger. If this man is Rose's power supplier, I am going to need all my strength and energy for this.

It seems Orifiel has taken to "birdwatching". I caught him in a tree outside my room gazing through the branches. I left and appeared beside him. I caught him off-guard too. It was amusing. To teach him a lesson, I shoved him out of the tree though. He yelled at me for it, but stopped when I landed over him and pinned him to the ground. I still shiver whenever he is near me. I can't help but surrender to the attraction. But the game is so fun to play with him, I can't help myself. With a taunting kiss, I got off him and walked back toward the palace. I was stopped by another young man, however. He never told me his name, only that he was a wanderer. A Hunter. He told me there was danger in the palace. Like I didn't already know. *rolls eyes*

I am guessing Orifiel noticed the man and felt threatened. He appeared beside me about that time. Probably a good thing.. that guy had to most beautiful eyes and he was gazing deep into mine. I felt.. I don't know.. dizzy... lightheaded. I don't think I have ever felt that way before. But I don't mean this in a good way. As intriguing as it was, I felt it as a personal violation as well. I was glad to be rid of him. I walked with Orifiel for a little while before he decided to go back to his... "hobby". I wonder sometimes if he will ever calm down and attempt to be with only one woman, or if he will forever be chasing after every pretty girl who happens along his path. I do wish he would make his choice between Rose and me though. I am tiring of this game. She has come at me 3 times now out of jealousy. She won't admit it, but yes, it is jealousy that has sparked her attacks. She doesn't want to share him with me any more than I want to share him with her.

I had almost reached my own rooms when I passed by Legato's room. Now Legato was Orifiel's first experiment. He is stable enough to go out in public, but he has to be fed at regular intervals or his body falls apart. Not just regular food either. He has to feed on the life giving souls of others. Orifiel assured me after I allowed him to harvest my unusable eggs that Legato would no longer attack me.Something still makes me wonder if Rose and I get into another fight and he happens near, just what would he do. Still...

I overheard Dais and Risa speaking as they left his room. It seems Legato had gone out last night and did not make it home on time for his meal. He stayed out all night with his date. By morning he was feeling the pain of his hunger. I guess his date had some form of magic. She tried to help relieve him of his pain and his body took to abosrbing her instead. The poor girl... She was in the infirmary here in the palace for a little while. She's gone now. It wasn't until later I learned her name.

A part of me saw him fighting his body... at least it seemed that way. I wiped his forehead off with a damp cloth and took it upon myself to care for him. Orifiel claims Rose is Legato's mother, but I don't see how. Either way, she never would have cared. She cares about no one. Legato deserves a mother who would be there for him. To help him. Not someone who would just as sure see him dead than care for him. While caring for him though, he asked for Orifiel. He even called me mum...

I got Orifiel for him. He wants to go on some class trip. But I guess it's up to Orifiel. He isn't very happy with Legato right now, for missing he scheduled feeding time. He asked what Legato was doing. The boy said he was being a Chainer and having his first... I don't think I want to go further into that idea... I kind of blocked most of that out. Then Orifiel asked Legato the name of the girl.

Rayne Brooks.

My heart froze on me for some reason. I still can't figure out why I had the reaction I did to the name, but Orifiel seemed to have it to. He didn't say much and when I asked if she was any relation to him he coldly told me no. Now I am left wondering what will become of this girl. Is he worried about her? Concerned about her interference with Legato? What will he do? Go find her and warn her to stay away?

So many questions... so very few answers....

(( A/N: This could possibly be the ending to this portion of this blog for the moment, depending on future decisions. When the plot line catches back up with it, I will make note and link back to this post as a reminder.
It just may be time to take a little trip... take a little trip back into the past where it all began... MAY being the operative word...))

Me? A Mother?

2006-06-24T14:40:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought... But she didn't have one of her own. Rem is another of Orifiel's creations. I am not sure how well I will do as her adoptive mother, she concerns me. She is so hyper-active. Always bouncing around. He tells me she isn't stable yet... I can see that. I have been tempted to let her sleep it thought, but from what he says sleep alone won't stabilize her form.

What I don't get is why... Why is Orifiel creating these children? I had been under the impression he did not want them. But he confuses me about everything.

He calls me weak when he thinks I cannot hear. Then he turns around and tells me that he has strong feelings for me. He will protect me... But he tells Rose he loves her. His feelings for me, he says are tentative. If I do one wrong thing, it will be over. I helped him. Would continue to do so if I could too. He... his mind is a remarkable thing. To create Legato and Rem the way he did. He is closely considered a genius. Yet... he holds himself back.

Rose does not like competition. Which means she and I would never have gotten along, but I had no idea she had the feelings for Orifiel she seems to. She wants me to stay away from HIM. Like I can control where he goes...

Admittedly, I would give just about anything to keep his attention... I just don't think I have what it takes for him. Or maybe it's more the other way around. I am tired of being everyone's "back-up" woman. He will never make up his mind... She will always keep him coming back for more...

It's odd... I have felt another presence within the palace walls. Dark and mysterious. I hear a voice calling to me... and when it does, it's as if I'm floating. I feel like I am detached from myself. I have to figure out what this presence is. Who it is and what it wants. I think the sooner I figure it out, the better things will be.

Time to end it...

2006-06-09T14:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's right....
It's time to take back complete control. Rose has been so busy with other things that she has not given attention to the things she should have. 14 years have made her slow. She spent all her time making up for lost time while I dedicated myself to my studies. It would have paid off for me too... Would have... I'll explain here in a moment.

I left Rose to her thing. Apparently she got angry with Orifiel earlier. She went off to quench her thirst for bloodlust. I was passing by the viewing portal in my room when I heard a voice... a familiar voice. I looked up and fell into a crystal blue sea... His eyes. I remembered them. It was a flash and I remembered everything. It all came back to me. Knowing him... the nights we shared. His tenderness when I was hurt. The way he experienced food for the first time. Strawberries and chocolate. A favorite of mine.

But with all the fond memories came the knowledge. I could see her in his eyes when he was quiet. His anger and rage toward her had merely been his way of covering up his love for her. He had never gotten over her. I knew it. Everytime they were together... The feelings were there for the both of them. But the pain Orifiel helped to cause... it was too much for them to cross over. Even if Angel had actually told Ori she had made a mistake and wanted to make it up to him, he never would have allowed it. The pain had been too much for him. He LOVED her and she chose another. But he never knew the extent of her true feelings for him. He never thought to see reason of it. All he wanted was to be rid of the feelings she had made him feel.

He tried to bury her. Thought Kiza could help him. When that didn't work, he came to me. We helped each other. Or rather, I tried... Deep down a part of me always knew and lived through it in denial. He always grew quiet when she was around. He would just look upon her as if she was this shining goddess... And her daughter.... He was always so careful with Oriel, as if she was his own. It seems Oriel was his afterall. So he was really seeing and caring for his daughter for the first time... I saw it then. Oriel reminded him of Angel. Reminded him of the good times they had and the light she had given him. She made him a better man just by being in his life. When she came to him and they spoke of the son he had killed... Oriel sensed the loneliness only a twin would feel. She wanted a brother. HER brother. But Orifiel wasn't ready. At least not ready to wait for 9 months for one... He reminded her of the baby boy. Ori was the only one who knew where the body was taken. She went to him.

I'm not a fool. I know when 2 people deserve to be together. But he feared if they had another chance that he would make the same mistake. I could no longer take being second best to her. I tried to kill her, destroy her, keep her away. But she kept coming back. Seeing them together now... I realize whoever cast the spell to make us all forget... They did something right. Angel and Ori belong together. They are good together. And I vow to see to it they remian together. I'm not evil. I took control to turn this dynasty. Slowly I will. I may have to kill Rose and Orifiel to do so, but I will.

And I'll start with Rose.

Her tantrum dropped a dead body right near Angel in some cove on the beach. She saw it as a blissful opportunity to strike back at Orifiel.. oddly, not Ori. I am left wondering if Orifiel still somewhere has feelings for Angel... Feelings Rose doesn't wish to content with. She and Angel were ready to fight. I couldn't believe the change in Angel. She has definitely grown stronger. I am guessing her training with RIJ has helped her in more than a few ways. They would have fought too if Ori hadn't appeared then. He tackeld Rose to the ground and that's when it happened. Rose resorted to her old self and began her mind games. Her words confused Ori, but I could see Angel's reaction. She was remembering Orifiel... she was remembering things she couldn't be allowed to remember. I stepped in to stop her and I couldn't look at Ori. Something must have made him remember me a little. He had this odd sound in his voice.

Showing up was a mistake for me. But Rose never would have listened to anyone else. I grabbed her and started to take her aaway when Ori asked me who I was. I told him I was no one; that I was never there. Then I cast another spell to wipe their memories clear of the last few moments and disappeared with Rose.

Instantly, she started the fight. The castle seemed to shake and tremble as we crashed into walls and furniture. Then suddenly there was this voice. He was speaking oddly, in a way I didn't quite make sense, but Rose seemed to. He was fine until I was ready to make the final blow to be rid of Rose once and for all. Then I suddenly felt a hand upon my neck. I kicked back and he never moved. I can't believe he took a hit as hard as that in an area that is extremely sensative to any other man, and he still stood. I lashed back.... I'm still cleaning blood and skin from under my nails... I know I got him good. Then suddenly I couldn't breath. I felt this burning as if my soul was being wrenched from within my body. I had never felt this kind of power.

Legato... that was his name.

Orifiel's son.

Orifiel and Riza made him stop, but after I fell to the floor I remember nothing. I know to beware of Legato. I also know how to hurt him. Seems there is a blunette that he has a fondness for... Perhaps it is time I brought home a prisoner for a change and finally earn some respect. For SOMEONE doesn't know his place in this palace. And it's time he learn.

It's time they ALL learn...

Silent years...

2006-06-01T22:47:00.000-07:00

The years have been quiet here in the old shadow lands. Rose has had her own things to do as I have had mine. We have laid low, plotting and scheming. Rose has ideas that may seem far fetched, but the scary thing about the ideas is that they could very well work. Though I despise that fact...

Or maybe I am just trying to short-change her ideas because I really don't like her. I did shock Orifiel with the control I kept in our first meet. He tried to take the control. But I kept it. And while he slept, I took on Shadow for the power. It has been years, but I was able to summon the energy and power needed to destroy an undefeatable, unkillable immortal. But it was later I learned the power hadn't been my own afterall... As strong as I was, I was aided by Rose. She used me to serve her main purpose. To be free from Sanura. And her first move after showing me who had the more power, was to go find Orifiel... She either didn't know the portal allowed me to see them, or knew and enjoyed that I could watch.

But I didn't want to watch....

I don't want to share either. In the 14 years that have passed, I have come and gone. Keeping myself busy and occupied with other things. He and Rose spend a great deal of time locked away. At least he is happy. She has his appetite and can go for hours as the whole palace has heard. To be surprised, I'm not sure where they get the energy. Kedar agrees. It's sickening... but it has allowed me to set crucial points and be ready to show Rose that it takes someone with an ACTUAL mind to use the power granted us properly.

I have been secretly watching the Cerean clan and thier friends and family. Kedar has filled me in on a few things. Other things I have learned on my own. I know why Rose has been keeping Orifiel occupied... She is trying to ensure Angel remains locked away deep in his mind. She hates competition... which is odd because she isn't the type to really settle down. She likes her freedom too much. But she knows she enjoys Orifiel and the things he can do. ...

I will admit she is right on that point... but there is so much more to a relationship than that. I couldn't be in a committed relationship that was purely based on the physical... Still.. I wonder how he would feel if he was to remember the things I have come to remember? All these years, he has been in blissful ignorance to the one that had captured him in the beginning. Angel was his. His possession. The thought, or just the idea that she could want to be with another, just was not something he could accept. He couldn't be faithful, but Ra forbid she step out of the relationship.

They couldn't be together as he had wanted anyway. She was still legally married to Ori. And from the looks of things, they have been really happy. I can't tell if he has remembered anything... I don't even know if he ever thinks of me. But it's best he doesn't. I was able to move on. Ryuji has been really kind and understanding. He always looked out for me before. Now it has become something else. Something even Orifiel couldn't understand. I tolerate him now. I know he only comes to me when Rose is busy with one of her other tasks. There is no real emotion there. Never was, I am betting. All my memories of him and me are filled with bitterness and anger. We never got along. I was attracted to him only when he was in power, but I didn't like the idea of being forced so I made sure he knew I couldn't be. It worked for me though. Orifiel rarely comes to me. So I am open and free to go to Ryuji. I have been tempted to just leave Rose and Orifiel in power and go with Ryuji...

But I have to wonder if Orifiel considers me to be his too. he has Rose, but does he want both of us? Just one of us? If only one, which one does he want more?

...

Or is Angel still the only one on his mind?

I have seen him staring at her through the viewing glass. It's as if he is trying to figure out who she is. She is the only one who captures his attention when he is in this room. The one she's with, anyone else... he is not interested in. Only her. I have to wonder if he has remembered anything, or if he is just trying to remember.

Wonder how Rose would take that, if she knew? Still... Orifiel isn't tired of living his life. RIJ was like that once. Always a rambler, always on the road. Well... always in the bed of another anyway... Then he just grew tired of it. He was ready to settle so he settled down with Sanura. Tey have a family now. Then came the part where he was used to revive Angel. He lost his memories and with them, the will to just settle down in a comfortable life. He became the rambler once more...

Only the visions in the viewing glass shows he keeps company with only one other woman mostly... If there is anyone else at all, I am uncertain. I mostly see him with her. Angel. Ori's wife of 18 years. Either Ori knows, or once again love is blind. I will go with blind. She is very careful. Never a trace left behind, always a carefully planned excuse. Neither Sanura or Ori seem to suspect.

But nothing is forever as I have learned. One day, if they don't end it, they will be caught. For now, good for them. I guess I have just gotten to a point in which I no longer care. Too much energy to worry about them lol.

So for now, I go on with my own plans. We'll see who comes out on top when it comes to Rose and me. She will know that her power in the end was just a gift created by a spell. Mine, however is real, and when Orifiel sees that she is really just a fake... then we will see who he chooses...

Dark Wings....

2006-05-22T07:03:00.000-07:00

Dark wings are taking flight
Taking me higher above my people.
I look down upon them
And feel nothing.

I am cold, and dispassionate.
Care nothing for no one.
I am not sure when this happened,
But the fire has taken me.

Try to attack me if you will,
I will match you move for move.
The power is mine,
I drink it in.

The strength is more than I knew.
Tears are frozen inside.
I'll not be roughed up again.
I remain the one in control.

I once called you Master,
But no more.
When you wake
I will control you.

*********************

This basically says it. I feel like there are things missing in my memory that I should know. I'm not sure what Orifiel and I were doing in that room with everyone. They were watching us like we were fighting. We probably were. He was always too arrogant for his own good. Someone REALLY needs to take him down a few pegs and give him a reality check.
Who knows... maybe that someone will be me. *smirk*

We returned to the palace and I went to my room only to find it completely bare. Now I'm ticked. Who took my things? Where did they go? *shrugs* Not that I care. The only thing worth anything to me was that viewing mirror, but now that I have learned that Theron was defeated, I can just claim his. But I will do more than just claim a mirror. Theron had one son left. Shadow. He is weak and a fool. Yet he wants to rise to power. It's time to take out Theron's family one by one, if he is gone, then Shadow is the only one really left.

I was lucky that my secret hiding place wasn't discovered. My own personal collection of powerful spells was still in place. After gathering some clothes for myself out of Theron's private women's stash, I went to work on creating a bed and a dresser as well as a few other pieces to make my room livable. Of course this is only temporary. I aim to take the lavish room Theron had for himself.

I just glanced over my shoulder to fin Orifiel still asleep. The fool. He seriously thought I was weak. Since being here at the palace, I have felt this fear in my blood. Like something terrible happened to me here. So when he came into my room and locked the door I was on edge. I was tense and ready for a battle. Good thing, too. He was feeling rather randy and frankly, I wasn't in the submitting mood. I was once only a servant to him. But I was tired of playing the lackey. I have been here longer than he has. I don't see why I have to work under him when rightfully he should be working under me.

So when he jumped me, I turned the tables on him. Pinned HIM down for a change. Aparently he is a sadist... Who knew... The rougher the better. Not typically the way I like things, but he needed to be broken. So I made sure to draw first blood.

I have to admit there was a sense of deja vu about this. Like he and I had been in this kind of situation before, though I don't remember one very clearly if there was. My room has been destroyed.. but I don't plan on sticking around anyway. Like I said. Theron's old room would be perfect. Large comfortable looking bed, pool area, hot tub, changing room... Yes, a huge room indeed. I just have to challenge and defeat Shadow for it.

there seems to be the rush of energy in my blood that I don't understand. I didn't think I could take Orifiel the way I did. I still have wounds tht are slow to heal now that it is over. I have to smirk over the fact that his back looks like a tiger got ahold of him. Who knows.. maybe I will keep him around as my personal slave... It could work lol.

My hair is nearly dry from my shower. I had to get the blood out of my hair and quite honestly it just felt good to stand under the hot water. I have picked an outfit a warrior princess would be envious of that shows off all that is showoff-able and yet not in the way for when Shadow and I go forth with the challenge.

World, a new power is coming forth. A stronger power. And she is ready for the darkness to take over this world. As for you Orifiel... be ready... we are FAR from done...

Death...

2006-05-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I was supposed to be married to Ori.

But Orifiel and Zahara showed up. I half expected that. He actually wanted to know where Angel and Oriel was... So eventually we took them to Theron's palace. The war was in apparently just ending... There were screams and I could hear people crying... But then I felt something worse... a sorrow ... a great sorrow coming from my father....

Forgetting everything about the wedding and my real purpose for being at that palace, I tured and ran back toward the throne room. I stopped when I saw my father holding my mother's body... She had taken a hit in the heart... the most fatal of all hits... I lost all conscious thought. I shut everything out and just wanted to get out of there.

Orifiel wanted revenge for Angel's death... I guess Theron really did kill her.

I thought I would be happy about her death. But instead I feel empty. Karma has a way of coming back on us all I guess... I took Oriel and gave her to Theron... For that I lost my mother... Orifiel attacked me... for that he lost Angel...

It has been 3 days. Ori took me out of there and has given me my time to grieve over my mother's death. There is to be a funeral for the 4 who were killed. My mother, Atem, Aurora, and Angel... I will be there in the shadows... To say good bye to my mother....

freedom...

2006-05-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

I think my freedom has been bought... but I have to wonder what my true cost will be...

There was a confrontation earlier between Ori and me and Orifiel and Angel and Oriel. Orifiel started asking questions and I glanced between Angel and Ori... There was an odd silence between them. Like they were both hiding something...

I still want to know why Ori took care of her instead of leaving her with Theron where she belonged... He gave up his chance at giving me freedom for HER! It's always something... And SHE is always near him in some way. I wouldn't be surprised if he was dreaming of her... I half expect him to call me by her name at some point... I know deep down he still cares about her. All that anger... it's too much... it's a cover for what's more in his being... I just don't know to what extent... And I shouldn't really care...

But I do.

I lashed out at Orifiel wanting him to take HER away from here. Make him take her away from us. But he was spoiling for a fight... so I gave him one... but while I fought with him, Ori goes over and is actually kind to Angel's daughter... He didn't have to be.. but he was. And the way he looked at Angel... at least most of the time... There was a softness there... I KNOW I saw it. And what's more... she was returning that look with one of her own! Practically right in front of Orifiel and me... I couldn't believe it. I knew then she had to go... not just away.. go permanately. And it wasn't long before Orifiel gave me yet another motive.

During the fight, he got this crazy look in his eyes. CRAZY look- wild and animalistic like... the kind of look Theron had before he... he... *chokes*

Orifiel grabbed me and took me away. To his room at the penthouse Atem and his family bought. I fought, kicked and screamed... but eventually he managed to pin me to the bed... It was Theron all over again... He kept telling me to stop fighting him.. just like Theron did. Told me to stop squirming... Even asked me if I was going to call out for Ori to save me... He .. he was basically forcing me to relive the nightmare Ori had found me cowering in fear from... If ... she and Ori hadn't arrived when they did...

It doesn't matter... I vowed to him that he would suffer... but his family would suffer first... I was going to capture Angel myself, but Adrian beat me too her... so I got Oriel and took her to Theron myself. He tried to keep me there... But I got away as soon as I could...

When Atemu showed up to tell us Angel and Oriel was gone... Ori.. had this strange unreadable look in his eyes. I couldn't belive it, but at first.. it looked like he was upset by that... She's about to be gone for good and he is worried about her? It doesn't make sense...

He's supposed to love me...

So how do I compete against someone he claims to hate? I can't kill her... not now anyway with that whole major POWER thing going on... but the thought had crossed my mind... again... I don't want to compete with a memory... I don't want her to threaten us and the happiness we have...

But what will happen if Ori finds out that I was the one who took Oriel to Theron... and what will happen if Orifiel ever finds me...? Personally.. I'd love to find a way to kill him ... be rid of the entire family... -.-"

Atemu says the world's going to end... so Ori and I are headed off to Vegas... Apparently he wants to die a happily married man lol. As long as he is marrying me.. and not a memory...

... Can someone please tell me...

2006-05-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

What's going on?

Ori left after I sensed someone looking for him. He went back to Theron's. I got bored and just relaxed- tried to sleep even. When I woke up he had left a note saing he had a couple of things he had to take care of and that he would be back.

Or he came back alright... with an unconscious Angel...

I really have no idea why he keeps finding himself near her in some way... It's frustrating... But it's something I can deal with. Let's just hope this last time we left her in the lobby, will be the last time we ever have to see her again. I can't help but wonder if she keeps managing to find her way into places near him that he will go back to her again.

I didn't say it was a sane fear... It's a rather stupid fear and I am aware of that, but still.. a fear none the less.

Right now though all I want to do is concentrate on him and our wedding... A 2nd for him maybe... but I will make sure it feels 10 x's better than his first wedding ever was. I will MAKE him forget her if it's the last thing I do... She will NOT ruin this for him... for us...

It's time Ori saw and knew true happiness...

Cold...

2006-04-27T11:18:00.000-07:00

I guess I just never knew how cold Ori really was... It worries me really. He loves so freely when he is with the one he loves, but if she hurts him.. she becomes dead to him. Not even a possible friendship is an option for him. I see this only because Angel has been around today. She had to as we were holding onto Oriel and Orion to protect them from a couple of different people.

Ori got really quiet at one point and went to lay down. He said he was hearing things. I can't help but wonder if the link between he and Angel was reactivated at some point. I still don't entirely know how it really affected him. I can't help but wonder if this coldness is a front for something deeper. Then again I am a girl so I probably over analyze...

Still... he was willing to leave Orion and Oriel in danger just to stay away from Angel. I guess asking her to be a witness at our wedding would be a bad thing...

He and I were talking and all of a sudden the door is shattered and Oriel lands on our floor. Luckily she was alright, but because Ori wouldn't go check on Orion and Angel, I left him to watch Oriel. Going into the hall I found what looked like Sanura choking Orion. It was then I put things together and realized that was not Sanura. It was her dark side, Rose. I am guessing Orion did something to anger her...

I never did see Angel... I am not sure if she is okay or not.

Ori.. confuses me.

He acts gentle to Oriel. Carefully brushing her hair from her face ike a parent would. He looks down at her with this odd look...I can't help but wonder if he wishes she really was his daughter... But for that to be.. he would be in a serious struggle for custody with Angel... I doubt he would just give up his own child regardless who the mother is...

I do have a wish...
I know Angel still cares about him and worries about him. Something tells me under his hatred he still worries about her as well...
I wish... I wish they could be friends. I trust her. I know she wouldn't do anything. But Ori and Orifiel would never allow that to happen...

I guess a part of me is still as light as my family... All I want is for everyone to be happy... but with Adrian, Theron, Rose... the three of them are not going to allow that... And Ori and Angel... If only they could manage to get along... I get the feeling that Angel is keeping a dark secret... one she wants to talk about but is afraid to... When she last said goodbye to Ori today... it was as if it was a final farewell...

Aurora's gone... Angel is speaking cryptically and in a way to say her time is coming to an end... That can only mean one thing. The end of this war is near. Angel knows the secret to it and is prepared for her destiny even though she knows it will hurt, and Aurora is trying to find a way to change fate...

Things are definintely going to get worse before they get better. I will side with my family... Ori has a choice to. But I know he won't. If Angel is the chosen Vessel...

I know where my duty lies... it will be to help protect her. Ori won't like it... But she needs to be kept safe...

A Moment of Freedom

2006-04-21T13:38:00.000-07:00

It may be all we have, but I am going to enjoy it for now.

Ori stole us out of the palace and we have made our way back to the "real World". We have been enjoying a few things. getting to know each other. He asks me about things normally no one would care about. Thigs about me and what I liked and wanted. Then he decided to make my dreams come true. Kind of like a genie I guess lol. 3 wishes is all I get... except the he has never put a limit to my wishes.

We went to the store and I did a little modeling show for him with bikini's. He was fine and enjoying it- REALLY enjoying it- then suddenly he frowned. I don't know- it was as if something had happened all of a sudden that he could sense and he didn't much like. It is times like these I wish my mirror hadn't been smashed. really have to work on a spell to make a new one.

Anyway- we hit the beach and had a glorious time but it only got better...
He go us the best room at the Holiday Inn in town and we stayed in... ordered all meals by room service and just explored so many things. I don't think he knew there could be so many uses for chocolate... if he was surprised by that- just wait till I show him what can be done with honey lol.

Anyway- All morning I was able to show him so many things he had missed out on. I have every intention of helping him to see the beauty that is in this world. To show him what it is like to be truly and completely loved. Someone who wants to know him and his dreams as well as live out my own. I don't think Angel ever would have done that for him... Granted their marriage was tested right from the start so there is no way to know if things would have been different. I can't help but wonder sometimes if thing were different if she and him would have remained together.

Of course, to even hint that is sinworthy enough to have Ori come close to killing a person so I don't exactly speak my thoughts about it. I don't know. I still remember his rule of no body touches her. I wonder if he stil has that rule. Or if he really even cares anymore. Either way- we are on this litle trip to forget about things that are bothering us for the moment and to just enjoy each other. I think I will take him to the Botanical Gardens just outside o the park. If he will go- I know it isn't exactly a place a man goes to... But it is a nice and romantic spot. A place to realy enjoy another beautiful day.

Another chance to forget about questions and fears that something truly terrible will come form our escape. I do fear what Teron will do to Ori as a result of this... *hangs head* I did break the deal forged with Theron to spare Ori's life... But when Ori looked at me with those intense blue eyes that were actually filled with worry for me... I couldn't tell him no.

A good thing about this break is it is giving me time to regain energy and power again. Hopefully it will be enough to face Theron if I have to. I won't let him hurt Ori. I WON'T.

I can't...

So beyond confused- I don't know what's real and what isn't...

2006-04-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

Just as the title says.. I truly have no idea.

I thought for sure that I was gone for good. One minute I was face to face with the man I had just deied the order of and the next all I saw was red then blackness...

When I woke again Theron was standing above me. He told me that to everyone in the palace I was dead. Never to be seen. He said so many harmful things. He made threats to keep my mouth shut. He...

It's too gruesome to talk about. Basically the deal was in exchange for sparing Ori's life I had to agree to be his slave... Theron's not Ori's... And I am not talking the kind of slave that does work around the home... *shudders* I purposely blocked my memories, my mind and shut my body down. I never wanted to remember what he had done.

When he left all I did was piece together my torn clothing and curled up into a ball trying to conserve what little energy I had left to try to heal. I knew my torture had just started. I wasn't to speak to anyone. Call out for help verbally or mentally. Anyone who tried to talk to me or anyone I tried to talk to would be killed instantly Theron told me. I about died when I heard Ori's voice calling for me.

I still don't understand why he continues to try to protect him when he tells me he hates me... at least he did... When he wouodn't stop calling I finally repsonded telling him to be quiet before Theron had him killed regardless of my deal with him. He wouldn't listen. He found his way into my room but I couldn't look at him. I could feel just how bad I looked. My hair and body ravaged... I looked like someone's punching bag. He scooped me into his arms to take me away but I don't remember much after that. I remember seeing Atemu and wondering what he was doing there before I lost consciousness again.

When I woke up this time I was still in Ori's arms. He was afraid to move me but he needed to know if I was still alive. He seemed relieved when responded to him. Then he rested me on his bed and went to get a cloth to care for my wounds. He was so careful and kind. I couldn't believe this was the same Ori who had told me he could never care for me. But it was. He asked me what happened and I tried to tell him- but I don't think the full extent of my attack hit him until later...

He had asked if I wanted to clean up the rest of the wounds on my body or if he could. By then I just no longer cared and told him so. He was floored and new something worse had happened. He asked me if I was okay and I tld him about the brutal rape...

Ori was MAD. He insists on keeping me away from Theron. He kept asking why I didn't call for help during any of the attacks from the faked death to the rape and I told him it was because I had no one to turn to. No one I could trust or count on... Then he said it. His voice was quiet but I heard him.

He told me I could count on him... Now I have no idea what to think. What to do. He has no idea what being around him does to me. The feelings I get when he brushes his fingers across my hand or whispers so his breath lightly passes over my skin. Those eyes.... Ra those eyes I could get lost in... I do get lost in them- it's why I have to try to not look too deeply with those icy blue depths...

He insists on defying Theron and getting us out of there. Which surprises me even more because he had been so insistant on staying when I begged him to leave. We began to come up with a plan and decided we needed a distraction. I tried to tell him I was the best option but he wouldn't hear it. He demanded I stay as far away from Theron as possible.

It's kind of odd giving the Higher his true name in here now...Theron.... the long time enemy of my people. He has messed with so many lives. I was able to bring Kiza and Riza together but ... that reunion didn't quite go as planned. I found Elena and was able to finally explain things to her... She is now catching up with her father. Atemu... I sent him back to to the others. He is supposed to be gathering them for an assault against Theron. I was nearly ready to create the distraction when Ori came to me again.

He kept asking me if I was alright. I couldn't even look at him without tears in my eyes. I told him that no matter what happened to know that I always loved him. I kissed him and started to walk away.

But he stopped me.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me back sayig that every girl always walks away from him before he gets to say what he felt. So I waited. He couldn't spit it out so I finally broke away and left him as I went to ward the throne room. Just before going in he stopped me again. Only this time he told me he loved me. I was floored. I couldn't think or see straight. I thought the revelation was almost too much for me to take after everything else I had been through.

He convinced me to get away from the Throne room and go anywhere but there so I left and returned to his room to wait- mine no longer had a bed and I was a little worn out...

I tried to sleep but I couldn't so I just sat up and did a lot of thinking. It's all I could do and I still am no closer to figuring him out. Then suddenly out of no where he walks through the door. I was expecting for him to say he'd won, but no- he was merely bored and doing a lot of thinking I guess while he was in the throne room. He turns to me and asks me how I would feel about marrying him and having his children.....

First I will admit I thought it was a sick joke. VERY sick joke.... It was just was too sudden for him to be so serious... But I opted for honesty here... I told him I would be honoured to. The next thing I know he slips a ring on my hand. I am still honestly in complete shock. I mean....

What about Kiza?

Did something happen that I am not aware of? What made him change so suddenly? Is this a trick after all? Is he toying with me because he knows my heart? Or is this real?

I can't help but think he still is up to something... And I hate that I don't know... but...

I am happy that he has changed his mind for the moment...

I just can't help but wonder how long it will last...

Truth comes out... (blog and email sent to all RP Characters)

2006-04-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

(( This post is not only her blog entry, but also an email that she is sending out to all RP characters as she says goodbye))

Dear all:
I don't know how much time I have left... I know my ending is near. I wanted to get one last post in before I go to meet the keeper of the gates to the underworld.

I lived a partial dream at the reunion... I shared one final dance with Ori. Shared one final kiss. It is all I could have asked for, knowing that my last hours are near. We went back to the palace afterward and he went in search of Kiza. She wants a double date... But I can't give her what she wants.

This is my apology to all.

To my mother and father:
I am sorry I could not have been in more control. I am sorry for the hell I caused everyone in our family and our friends' families. I am sorry I hurt so many people.

Angel: I am sorry for so many thingss. For causing your death on at least 2 occassions, for being part of the cause of the loss of your son, the things I have said... I have secured the spell so Ori can no longer ever control Orifiel. You both should be safe to live a long life together. You have been given this chance, please use it. You never know when it can end.

Atemu: I am sorry for the fighting and the insults. So many other crimes committed against your family at my hand. I had fun that one day with you, but that fun cost me everything I ever loved at the same time. He tells me because of what I have done, he can never feel for me like he used to. I do regret the stunt I pulled out of my anger and jealousy. But it is too late for regrets. I can only move on and accept my fate as a result of my actions.

Sanura: I do hope that things work out for you and RIJ. I did all I could to try to help you both, but whatever is after him is stronger than any magic could cure. I am sorry about everything as I am the reason he and Zahara got together in the first place in this new time. I am the one who convinced him but entering his subconsicious as I was ordered to. I thought I had fixed the damage I had caused, but certain things I guess were beyond my control.

RIJ: I am sorry for putting you in the situation you are in now. For tearing you between 2 sisters. For the fear of being a father for the third time over. For coming after you in the club the other night. I was not in control but that is still no excuse.

Zahara: I deserved the death you handed me so long ago. I can't help but feel as though things would have been better if Ori had not revived me. I am sorry for your situation. I can only hope that Ra will not punish you for something that was not entirely in your control. I wish you the best and hope things work out for you.

Ryuji: I am sorry for treating you so coldly when all you did was try to warn me.. to be a friend to me. You protected me when Akito tried to have me taken out on so many occassions. Yet I still turned my back on you.

Elena: My sweet friend. You did all you could to help me, but you must know that I made my own decisions along the path that lead me to my fate. Destiny has called me to this and none of it could have been prevented. Elena, there is a secret that has been hidden from you. The truth lies behind a loose brick in my room. Be careful in what you find there and learn and then make your choice as carefully as you possibly can. The Higher hoped you would never learn, but I was there. I know what happened. The proof is hidden within what will be left of my room.

Kiza: ... Such a sweet, kind young woman. I am a better person for having known you. Such an innocence in your eyes, yet so crafty when you need to be. I can understand why so many have had their hearts captured by you. I am sorry I cannot be around to protect you. I can only hope Ori realizes the danger he is in before it is too late and he can get you out of there before you suffer as I will soon suffer.

Aiden: I cannot follow through with the plan of the Higher. I cannot use such a good man in that manner. Kiza is lucky to have known you and be loved by you. Hold her tight. Hold her close and never let her go. Be strong for her and get her out of there as soon as you can for her sake. The longer you both stay the greater the danger you are in.

Aurora: This is not only an apology for the damage I have done to your family, but a word of caution. I do not deserve any kindness or forgiveness for the things I have done. I am not asking for it. I almost single handedly destroyed what you fought so long to keep together. Now I warn you that a greater threat exists. An enemy of your past is still very much alive and is almst ready to make his move. Be prepared and fight bravely and strongly. You have to take him down before any others fall victim to him.

Ori: ... Dear, sweet Ori. I cannot even begin to put into words how I feel. I tried to tell you and even the words sounded weak. I know I made my mistake and it cost me any chance I ever had. I cannot apologize enough and I never expect to be forgiven. There are so many things you never knew. Will never know. And I haven't the time to tell you everything. I fear you are falling deeper and deeper into the Higher's trap of lies and deception, but I also know that at this time you would rather be there. I only wish I could make you open your eyes to what he is really truley up to. I have already said more than enough to risk endangerment to my life. I am not expecting you to care about that either... All I really want you to know is that I am sorry for everything I put you through. The torment and torture... I had no right to do what I did, hurt and jealous or not. I am truly sorry... I love you , Ori... I will continue to do so long after I have crossed into the afterlife.... Good bye.

*add on for blog*
I have said my goodbyes and made my apologies. I have enough time for one final walk as I have always enjoyed in the morning. The nightmares I had last night are far to vivid to be disgarded. This day will be my last. I will accept it as I know I should.

Perhaps I will finally try to tell Ori what I have been hiding... Perhaps I should just keep my mouth shut and let him just get this message. Either way, my last words to him will be the same... Not that it makes a difference. He has told me what he needs to tell me. It will never change. I will take his secret to the grave. I'll tell no one just as I promised him. It will be the last promise I keep to him...

Sometimes I can't help thinking my fate is a blessing for me... For finally the pain in my chest will go away....

2006-04-07T11:44:00.000-07:00

I think I have every right to be afraid now. The Higher knows more than he is saying. He is using me and wanting me to hurt Ori's plans. I don't know if he wants him to snap or what, but frankly, I can't do that... I just can't. It still doesn't make any sense to me at all. One minute I do just fine and then the next.... I have no idea where I am or what I am doing. It's as if I have no control. I never dreamed I would have fallen this far into his control. I now realize I have to get out, I just don't really know how to go about doing that. No one has ever left the higher before... not unless they were killed.

I remember the Higher giving me an offer to work by his side... then everything went black... I don't think I accepted.. I HOPE I didn't accept his offer... though if I did it would explain why he was so angry with me... I remember this ring that he gave me though... I'm not wearing it now and I feel like I have a clearer head on my shoulders... All I know is I have to get out. If I can manage I would like to get Ori, Kiza, and Aiden out of there as well...

Ori... He is confusing me... Sometimes he acts like he cares and then in an instant he can turn on me... I wonder if Orifiel is giving Angel the same problem... I mean if RIJ was able to break the spell I placed and returned to Zahara, then it is possible that some of Ori's connections are still breaking through to Orifiel. I better strengthen that spell... and make sure it holds... Ori can screw up his life... but Orifiel's doesn't need to be messed with... it's messed up enough as it is...

Kiza and Ori are off to the class reunion. Should be interesting with everyone thinking she is dead... Ori's body had disappeared so no one knew for sure, but Kiza... her body had been left behind...Aiden told me that Kiza wanted him to be there. So I decided to help them... again... I can only imagine what Ori will do if he sees them together... and if Orifiel actually shows up.. Angel will be with him... Meaning Ori and Angel under the same roof again...

Why do I get the feeling there will be fireworks tonight? And I don't mean the pretty colorful ones either...

I don't know....

2006-04-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

I have absolutely no idea what is going on anymore...I had so many set plans to ruin Ori's just out of spite, but it isn't working... Aparently what RIJ and Zahara feel for each other is strong enough to go through the magic I cast.... I never should have allowed them to be together in the first place... Now I have to make things even worse...

Ori believes I brought Aiden here to stir up more heartache for Sanura... That wasn't my intention at all. I only brought him back because Kiza asked me to. I had no idea what the ending result would be. But eventually the truth will come out I guess... I just don't know how Ori will take it... See... Kiza really loves Aiden... She doesn't like being apart from him nor does he like being apart from her. It's kind of sweet actually... Enough to make me jealous of them... But I can't concentrate on things like that.. I have to work on regaining his trust. I think the fact that I have been keeping an eye on the RIJ, Sanura, Zahara, Bakura square has helped... He actually placed his hand on my shoulder today. I didn't think he would ever touch me except in anger.

I really wish I knew what was going on... Does he really secretly care about me? Is he only pretending to hate me because of the hurt caused to him? I truly did not mean to hurt him... I just had to be sure it was the me who loved him and not the spell making me love him... almost 4 years together... In that time things changed between us.... With me... The more time I was with him the less I spent thinking of Krad... and now Ori is always on my mind... I can't get him out of it...

If only I could get him to see what I feel is real... But I don't have a clue as to how to begin...

Bring Me To life....

2006-04-04T05:55:00.000-07:00

BRING ME TO LIFE (Evanescence)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

A fool...

2006-04-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

Yes I am a fool... I don't know what has happened to me... All I know is Ori woke me up in front of Kiza's room... How did I get there? What happened? Did I do something I shouldn't have done? Did I hurt anyone...?

Oh Ra! Aiden and Kiza! I hope I didn't hurt them.....Ra how did I get into this mess...

I tried to tell Ori how I felt.. I should have known better than that... He treated me like a joke... Scoffed at my words and my attempt to help him... I don't know what made me kiss him.. I should have been repulsed by the things he said about me... But I still kissed him before I took off. I just need to be alone...

I don't care where I go, but I have to be alone... I feel strange, like something is missing... There is this ache in my chest I don't really recognize....So many things have happened to me, I don't know what I have done and what someone else has made me do...

ENOUGH!!! I don't WANT to be controled! I HATE it!!

But I still love Ori ... I want him.. need him... I just have to realize that I can't be with him... That I screwd up.... Even when I didn't intend to, I really screwed up... I am sorry Ori... I can't stop this feeling just because you can... it doesn't work that way...

How was I supposed to know...

2006-04-03T04:22:00.000-07:00

That Ori could choose whether or not he died when he was attacked? I thought I was helping him... Turns out I made things worse. Now I wouldn't doubt that if there was ever a chance for us that he thinks I just didn't want to be connected to him... He doesn't realize that it still could have helped... He can choose whether to live or die.. but I can't... If one of our chain is killed then I go with them and if he really did care then he would lose me....

But he doesn't care...

He has Kiza now. But he doesn't realize she doesn't want him in the same way... I guess all that time alone in the old mansion brought her and Aiden closer together. I don't want to be around when he learns the truth...

I love him... I do... I didn't think it was possible, but I do. And now he won't even give me a second look... But the Higher is giving me a choice... One I don't want to make... But something in his eyes tells me he will be making that choice for me... Whether I like it or not....

Ori... whatever happens... I tried to change things... I wanted to choose you... and I found a way that would allow me too... What is done after this post... I have no control over now that the Higher is involved.... I ...I am sorry...

I love you....

Hateful feeling...

2006-03-24T14:26:00.000-08:00

Who knew that seeing Ori with that fake Kiza could affect me the way it does. All I want to do is be rid of her, but I can't be the one to do it. All it would take would be for the Higher to catch Ori screwing up and he would be the one to do so. I won't mess with that though. I do wonder what would happen if the new Kiza met the old Kiza. And learned the things that Ori isn't telling her.
The new Kiza seems to like me which can be used to my advantage. But still. As much as I want to destroy her, I don't at the same time. I want to be the better person out of this. I just wish Ori would open his eyes. He can't even see that I am genuinely being kind to her. At least she sees that.

I am not the complete beast he may think me to be. There is still some beauty in here.

The kidnapping cases are really making the Higher angry. He wants Ori to step up his plans. But he is hesitating. He wants to do something else first. Those actions won't help him in the Higher's eyes. If he isn't careful, Ori will not be the one in control any longer. Meanwhile, I am regaining my status and the Higher's approval. If Ori isn't careful he could be forced to follow my order. I am doubting he would like that at all.

I tried to offer my help. But he is being too stubborn. He won't even attempt to accept it. I don't want to see him get punished if he should fail. I have ...

Odd I have gone from trying to ruin him to trying to protect him even if he doesnt' want me to. He thinks he knows it all. He thinks he can handle everything. He is wrong. He just doesn't realize it yet.

Oriel was kidnapped today. Angel is in ruins. She adored that little girl and held her above everything. Oriel had been her only real connection to Orifiel before I was able to bring them back together. Oriel was her life. Now she feels as though her life has been stolen from her. Orifiel is in shock now, but I can see his thoughts. I am expecting him to appear to pay his other half a visit here soon. It will be hard to protect Ori from the powers of Orifiel. Something that I never told Ori... Orifiel has the power to hurt us. He could destroy us if he truly wanted to. If he feels Ori took his daughter, I fear that is what he would do. I need to find a spell.. something, anything, to figure out what is going on and how to stop it. To do so I am going to Sanura's old room at her parent's mansion. There is a hidden room there in her closet that she kept her most powerful items and spells in.

I will warn Ori as I go. But I know he won't listen to me. He may have been the brightest of the 2... but he certainly is ignorant.

Still... If I could only be back in his good graces... I could prove to him...
Prove to him that I really AM...

The One.

Who Am I?

2006-03-23T07:27:00.000-08:00

Very little is really known about me and for good reason as far as anyone else is concerned. My story is a rather long one. First off, I was born a Light into Aurora's Clan. My parents are Lady Natara Fear and Bryant AKA Havoc. I was brought up learning their ways of magic and battle as well as being given a somewhat decent life. When I turned 18 I decided to go out on my own and prove myself as most clan warriors did. My task I set up on my own. I wanted to infiltrate a rising power and get as close to the top as I could. So I went deep under cover. Proving myself to the Higher (his name is still a mystery even after all this time), he set my under the care and control of a man named Krad. Out of respect he was called Master Krad to all those who fell under his control.

I became the favorite to Krad and the Higher. But over time I also became more to Krad. It is hard to say that I fell and gave my heart to an enemy. I was never supposed to get that close. Then one night he performed this spell to test my loyalty to him. From that night, only ONLY a kiss, I was bound to him. I was his and his alone. My heart given to him completely. It was hard to keep my head on my task at that point. But then things got worse.

The higher had decided the time had come to begin taking his vengeance on Aurora and her people. His main focus was the children. Zahara's twins, Nakia and Cayden. Sanura's son Orion. Eventually Aurora's brother in law's twins Sora and Kairi. Then the biggest hit. Aurora's Light. Angel was expected a child who would be far greater in power than any could have imagined. It was at this time I reunited with my parents. I had to let them know that trouble was near. I guess I just didn't realize how near. Zahara and Angel had been kidnapped. It was then that Krad told me of his plan. I saw Angel, but never really spoke to her. She was scared and confused.

When Krad went to face Aurora, there was a man there trapped within the body of another. Orifiel and Ori. Krad failed in his battle. But I couldn't let on that I knew. I watched as Aurora and her friends and daughters pulled Orifiel out of Ori's body and placed him in Krad's. I knew I had to keep an eye on him. So I did... I also knew who is heart longed for and tried to help. I was the one who locked Angel in that room with him. Then I mangaged (with very little fight form him I might add) To keep Ori distracted. Angel did get out though. Only to be caught again later that night. Akito... the fool. he took Angel right back to Orifiel thinking he was Krad. That didn't go over that well. But when Ori came looking for her, I tricked him into coming to a room with me. I easily tempted him. Too easily. He was soo ready for me. but then his mind went back to Angel so I let him go. I knew there would be another chance.

Ori took her back home. But I wasn't done. He wanted her away from Orifiel. So I told him the key to doing that was to kill her. It would begin her immortality and make her his once and for all. But the stupid idiot decided to kill on of the twins she was carrying at the same time thinking he was killing their only child. So all he succeeded in doing was making her turn against him and go running into Orifiel's arms. it was only a matter of time before her marriage failed. That was when Orifiel was discovered. As was I...

A spell was placed over me as Ori made his decision to join in Krad's place. No matter how hard I tried, I could not stop myself from the evil things I did. My heart still belonged to Krad, but I accepted a wedding propsoal from Ori. It seems he had fallen for me afterall. My quest to free him of her made me kill Angel. Which got me killed in the process by Zahara.

Ori took me back to the hide out and did some ceremony to bring me back to life. But in order to do that, he had to use his own blood, connecting us. Now whenever I am hurt, or if one of us is killed, the other goes down as well. To make matters worse, Orifiel is connected to Ori. Oriel is connected to Orifiel (she is his only daughter), and Angel is connected to Oriel. The last link in the chain is Aurora, connected to her hikari when she used her own blood to revive her once again.

Now since I was revived, the spell over me to cloud my mind has been broken. Ori has been suspicious of me. He has good reason to. He broke off our engagement- as if he thought that would hurt me, and continued with his plot. But he never kept his mouth shut... I was able to break his hold over Orifiel so tha he and Angel could finally be together and be a family with Oriel. I managed to push Zahara to the back of RIJ's mind- not to forget her completely but just push her away long enough for he and Sanura to rekindle the flame still burning there. But then it gets even more fun.

Atemu and I ganged up to torture Ori's mind. Find his mind with visions of Angel and Orifiel being together in every way imaginable. Filled his room with her scent and her picture everywhere he looked. It was quite humorous actually. Now he managed to convince the Higher to bring Kiza back.. or at least he thinks he has. This Kiza is not the real one. I was with her spirit when the new one was created. All he is holding is a memory. She will never remember him- or love him as he is hoping to. He has set himself up for another fall.

Part of me feels sorry for him. I did actually like the guy. I could have loved him if I was able to, but I wasn't able to.

He has no idea what he has done in sparking this war against me... He may have a copy of my powers, but I still am the original. I will always be stronger. He will not beat me.